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THE I REMAINS STUNTED IN ITS DEVELOPMENT

If the child does not succeed in building a healthy relationship with its mother and father, the formation of the child’s I remains underdeveloped. In later life, this child lacks the basis for self-reflection. As an adult, he then usually reacts in interpersonal conflict situations like a small, overwhelmed child: helpless, panic-stricken, offended, defiant, opinionated, angry or aggressive.

12. Learning to be in Relationship

BEING COOPERATIVE

The bonding relationship with our mother teaches us how future relationships should work. We express our needs, challenging our mother to clearly state her needs as well. We learn that we also have to take her needs into consideration. We can also learn to distance ourselves from her if we want to have peace from our mother. She also has to learn to tell us clearly when she needs time to herself too. If we internalise this basic pattern of how a good, constructive relationship with our mother works we can use it in other relationships as well, for example