Читать книгу The Messiah Who Might Have Been онлайн

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Unfortunately, our heavenly pleasure is short-lived. A person cannot go without food for long – I know this about myself – and that person is always occupied in searching for nourishment. But what does a woman need a man for if she is already pregnant?! Everything that was required of him has been done. Many women, Zina being one of them, can do quite well without physical intimacy. Their health does not suffer in any way because of this. But not my Mama! She has some strange, drug-addiction-like dependency! I am willing to resign myself to the presence of a strange man in my room. But let her suitor make a conciliatory step: he should keep his emotions under control and stop beating me up. What have I done to him?! Even if by chance he happened to be my father, that doesn’t give him the right to subject me to torment. I will not endure seven more months of torture!

But I cannot influence my Mama. Her fateful passion is etched in her genetic memory. During the past few weeks I have not had time to study this as I should, although I discovered to my surprise that unlike me, my Mama is not able to access many of the cells of her genetic memory. Only some individual subprograms are accessible. Ignorance of the past is not a mitigating circumstance; my Mama is coolly repeating the errors of her parents. For instance, if she had the information that I know about her great grandmother, who was a former call girl and contracted venereal disease, perhaps she would behave more prudently with men.