Читать книгу The Confessions Of A Concubine онлайн

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"Dear girl," the doctor concluded, resting his warm hand on mine, "there was nothing you could do to make things different."

Having received the medical explanations of what had happened did not relieve the pain for the loss of my son, nor did it take Filippo’s accusations of not being able to bear a child, of being half a woman, from my ears.

I came home still in shock.

And just a few days later I wanted to go back to

work: being constantly busy helped me to stop tormenting myself, albeit for only a few seconds, with feelings of guilt that overpowered me and made me short of breath.

At

work

everyone

treated

me

with

condescension, and this hurt me because it gave me the impression that in fact there really was something wrong with me.

That niche, which I had prepared for my son, seemed to petrify, and a wall, an insurmountable rock, seemed to rise up from nothing between me and Filippo, that prevented us from having even the slightest contact.

***

For a couple of years we sluggishly tried to have intercourse, no longer with the hope of being able to procreate.