Читать книгу Self Condemned онлайн

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'I know you would not do that, my poor René.' His mother's voice quavered hoarsely.

'I know that, too, René,' his sister echoed falteringly.

'My distress has been as great as anyone else's can be. It has been terrible for me. I do not drop my career down the drain with as light a heart as it would seem, to see me do it. Of course not. Men are not made that way. They say Good-bye to common ambition with horror. They become nobodies as if they were dying.'

'Do not speak like that,' his mother said.

'No, I feel just like you about myself. I consider myself mad, as you do. I am in two halves, one half of which is you.'

Mary began to sob, wiping her eyes quickly.

'I have had a first-rate job, as good as a man of my mental habits can have; my position in the world has been excellent; I shall never have as good a one again. These things have to be built up from early years, they cannot be re-made once lost. I see with remarkable clarity what going to a colony must mean. When I get to Canada I may have to teach Algebra or . . . oh yes, or History in an elementary school. Or of course I may prefer to earn my living as a waiter in some large hotel.'