Brad Feld

I had my first major depressive episode as an adult in 1990. At the time, I was running my first company, Feld Technologies, which was going well. However, my work on a PhD program at MIT was not, and I dropped out of the program. At the same time, my first marriage imploded for various reasons, including my extreme focus on work. And, while Feld Technologies was succeeding, I was exhausted and bored with the actual work.

My experience of depression is the complete absence of joy. I'm functional and can do my work, but it takes all of my energy to get out of bed, get out of the house, make it through eight hours, and get back home. In the evenings, I don't have an interest in anything – food, reading, TV, sex, or exercise. Instead, I sit in the bathtub or lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, eventually falling asleep.

This depressive episode lasted two years. I did therapy and was fortunate to have an excellent psychiatrist. I took medication, learned better how to take care of myself, and had several beneficial close relationships, including those with my business partner (Dave Jilk) and my new girlfriend and now wife (Amy Batchelor). However, I was deeply ashamed of being depressed, of doing therapy, and for taking medication. This stigma weighed on me, some days even more than the depression.