Читать книгу The Life of Rev. David Brainerd, Chiefly Extracted from His Diary онлайн

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June 30.—“Spent this day alone in the woods, in fasting and prayer; underwent the most dreadful conflicts in my soul. I saw myself so vile that I was ready to say, “I shall now perish by the hand of Saul.” I thought that I had no power to stand for the cause of God, but was almost afraid of the shaking of a leaf. Spent almost the whole day in prayer, incessantly. I could not bear to think of Christians showing me any respect. I almost despaired of doing any service in the world: I could not feel any hope or comfort respecting the heathen, which used to afford me some refreshment in the darkest hours of this nature. I spent the day in bitterness of soul. Near night I felt a little better; and afterward enjoyed some sweetness in secret prayer.

July 1.—“Had some enjoyment in prayer this morning; and far more than usual in secret prayer to-night, and desired nothing so ardently as that God should do with me just as he pleased.

July 2.—“Felt composed in secret prayer in the morning. My desires ascended to God this day, as I was traveling: was comfortable in the evening. Blessed be God for all my consolations.