Читать книгу England, Their England онлайн

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"The French staff-work is supposed to be miles better."

"It must be, I suppose. Because the English soldier, the chap who actually does the fighting, is amazingly good."

"Why do the English," asked Cameron, "crack up the French seventy-five as being the most marvellous gun in the War? Our own 18-pounder is just as good."

"If not better."

"Exactly. If not better."

"But then why does the average Englishman," said Davies, "pretend he is a perfect devil with his fists when really he is the most peaceable soul in the world, and then, in spite of his peaceableness, suddenly turns into a first-class soldier?"

"Yes, but then why does the Englishman——"

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!" cried Davies laughing, and hauling a great flask out of his pocket, "this is going to drive us mad. Have a drop of Scotch. I beg your pardon! Have a drop of Scots or Scottish." They each had a good swig at it, and then Davies went on: "I'm a publisher by profession—I've got an office near Covent Garden—and the more I see of the Englishman as a business man, or as a literary man, or as any kind of man, the more bewildered I become. They're the kindliest souls in the world, but if they see anything beautiful flying in the air or running along the ground, they rush for a gun and kill it. If an earthquake devastates North Borneo, they dash off to the Mansion House and block up all the traffic for miles round trying to hand over money for earthquake-relief, but do you think they'll lift a finger to abolish their own slums? Not they. If you assault a man in England and bash his teeth down his throat and kick him in the stomach, that's just playfulness and you'll get fourteen days in jug. But if you lay a finger on him and pinch his watch at the same time, that's robbery with violence, and you'll probably get eighteen strokes with the "cat" and about three years in Dartmoor. You can do pretty nearly anything you like to a stag or a fox. That's sport. But you stand up and say you approve of bull-fights, and see what happens to you! You'll be lucky if you escape with your life. And there's another thing. They're always getting themselves up in fancy-dress. They adore fancy-dress. Look at their Beef-Eaters, and their Chelsea Pensioners, and their barristers' wigs, and their Peers' Robes, and the Beadle of the Bank of England, and the Lord Mayor's Show, and the Presenting at Court, and the Trooping of the Colour, and all that sort of thing. Show an Englishman a fancy-dress, and he puts it on."