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The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn't finish what I started.

The last thing a suicidal person wants is to be reminded that their final act will cause more damage. Caught between the jaws of their own unmanageable pain, hopelessness, and fear, writes author Al Alvarez in his book The Savage God – A Study of Suicide,

Suicide is, after all, the result of a choice. However impulsive the action and confused the motives, at the moment when a man finally decides to take his own life he achieves a certain temporary clarity. Suicide may be a declaration of bankruptcy which passes judgment on a life as one long history of failure. But it is a decision which, by its very finality, is not wholly a failure. There is, I believe, a whole class of suicides who take their own lives not in order to die but to escape confusion, to clear their heads. They deliberately use suicide to create an unencumbered reality for themselves or to break through the patterns of obsession and necessity which they have unwittingly imposed on their lives.