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19. Love and Violence

Love is not compatible with violence, even though the Bible says: ‘Whoever spa-res the rod hates their children’ (Proverbs 13.24), ‘A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother’ (Proverbs 29.15).

The idea that brute force was a necessary part of a child’s education, in order to turn him into a decent adult, was still strongly present in the minds of my parents’ and teachers’ generation. This attitude is difficult to talk parents and educators out of, when they themselves were, and in many ways still are, beaten and humiliated children themselves.27

Although physical violence against children has been prohibited by law in many countries (in Germany, for example, since 2000) many parents still think: ‘A smack on the bottom won’t hurt’ or ‘It’s all right if my hand slips once in a while.’ Refraining from physical violence against children can lead to increasing the level of psychological violence. Children are verbally insulted, humiliated, shamed, ridiculed or made fun of.