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SYMBIOTIC ENTANGLEMENT

This process by which the I forms and shapes itself takes place in every human being through the relationship with his or her mother. A mother can only promote the formation of a healthy I in her child if she herself has a stable and healthy I herself and experiences herself as a separate human being from her child. If a mother suffers from a poorly developed I, she acts like a distorting mirror for her child, in which the child cannot recognise itself. His needs and feelings become blurred with those of his mother. Instead of the child’s identity forming in a healthy way with their own I and free will gradually developing clearly and separately, the child remains stuck in this stage of identification: I am my mother. I want what my mother wants. I have to be available for my mother. I want to please her so that she will love me. The same then applies in relation to the father. Such children remain ‘symbiotically entangled’ with their parents and never really grow up.