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To be independent

To find support within ourselves

To be able to do things for ourselves

Figure 3: Concrete mother love means: Supporting a child‘s autonomy needs in a way that is appropriate to the situation and age of the child.

17 Ruppert, F. (2012) Symbiosis & Autonomy. Green Balloon, UK.

To be independent

To be free

To decide for ourselves

© Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert

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When I ask in therapy sessions what someone wanted most from their mother as a child, the answer that often comes back is ‘I wanted to be seen by her’. The American developmental psychologist Edward Tronick conducted a revealing experiment on this. He asked mothers when they were in contact with their child, to suddenly make an expressionless face (‘still face’), to put on a face mask so to speak. Immediately, the children were confused, became restless, started to cry and after only one minute they were completely out of their minds, so that the experiment had to be stopped in order not to harm the child. The lack of interaction with their mother’s facial expressions brought them to the brink of psychological collapse.18