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INNER DISINTEGRATION

If the fear becomes so overwhelming that no precautionary measures, no blind impulse to act, no lashing out or open struggle can help, and escape from the dangerous situation is impossible, a process of inner disintegration begins. The mind becomes clouded, feelings are suppressed and the body is abandoned. The feeling for one’s own body and therefore for oneself becomes more and more lost. Psychologically splitting or dis-integrating one’s very self seems like the only solution to the conflict of being stuck in an unbearable situation from which there is no escape.

This also means the inevitable dissolution of our I as the reference point of our inner events. This is also connected to a tendency of the entire organism to close down. The bowels and bladder empty, sweating breaks out, the muscles slacken and the overall energy level drops. This is what we experience as panic.

NUMBNESS

As a countermovement to this disintegration, rigidity takes place as a trauma survival mechanism. The musculature of the whole organism becomes extremely tense and hardened in order to counteract the process of fragmentation. On the psychological level, we develop a rigid substitute I that purports to be ‘doing fine’, but is largely separated from our body. It operates primarily in the spheres of mental and intellectual activity and, when physical danger signals penetrate into its consciousness, its interpretations and analyses of the causes remain on the surface. The weather, bad food, too little sleep are popular patterns of interpretation for physical complaints whose causes are actually to be found in our split-off fears of death.