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15. The Fear-Dependency Trap

The mother-child relationship is fundamentally one of power and powerlessness. A child is completely dependent on its mother whilst in her womb. If a mother is full of fears, then her fears are also transferred to her child. And the reality is, unfortunately, that the majority of mothers,who are like this are not interested in looking at the root of their fears, which is usually traumatic in origin. Instead, they distract themselves from it and hide behind the façade of a concerned mother. They then only look at the symptoms that their child is very likely to develop, as a result of having to cope with loving an anxious mother. Instead of the mother relieving her child of anxiety and stress, she herself is a source of constant anxiety for her child, she permanently floods the child with stress from the things that she does.

26 Brisch, K. H. (2014). Säuglings- und Kleinkindalter. Bindungspsychotherapie. Stuttgart: Klett-Cotta Verlag. This book ‘Infancy and Early Childhood - Attachment Psychotherapy’ is not available in English. Here is an article talking about Secure attachment https://www.developmentalscience.com/ blog/2017/3/31/what-is-a-secure-attachmentand-why-doesnt-attachment-parenting-get-you-there